Wednesday, November 26, 2014


Well.  Today AJ approached me as I was cooking her oatmeal and asked me if Santa was real or if it's really just the parents buying and wrapping up the gifts.

We didn't start out with Santa.  I felt no need to do so in order to keep the magic of Christmas.  But when AJ was 4, she met the Santa at Alpenrose Dairy and insisted he was real.  I figured if she wanted to believe, who was I to destroy that for her.  

But it was all short lived.  She took it very well, but I suppose if you've only spent two years believing it's not really as big a let down.  

She has been asked to keep the magic alive for other children.  

Sunday, November 9, 2014

What do you believe in?

One day AJ and I were waiting at the bus stop when a Jehovah Witness approached us and asked if I wanted reading material for the bus.  I politely declined and she went on her way.

AJ: mom, what was she trying to give you?
Me: a magazine called the watchtower.
AJ: why?
Me: because she believes in god and wanted to share that with me but I don't believe in the same thing she does so I wasn't interested.
AJ: Well...what do you believe in?
Me:  Science.
AJ: But mom, science is real.


Sunday, October 12, 2014

Because she wants to

AJ insisted on going outside and sweeping the sidewalk with a sprig of pine needles.  I hear a group of neighbor kids approach her. They gather around her and ask what she is doing and why.  AJ tells them she is cleaning and because she wants to.

AJ is really shy around children she doesn't know and I kind of hold my breath, hoping that her very straightforward answer doesn't earn her a bit of teasing or some strange looks.  

A few minutes later, I peek out the window and one of the neighbor girls has joined her.  AJ skips back up the stairs with a huge smile on her face.

Apparently the girl promised to help her sweep the sidewalk next weekend. 

Monday, September 1, 2014


So you know those "oops" signs outside of Petsmart?  One day we took AJ to Petsmart.  She had just learned to read so she read the sign.

I guess it made an impression on her because almost 8 months later here we are sitting and playing vet.  The hamster I've brought in to see Dr. AJ is sick and throwing up.  

I tell her I've been feeding the hamster 55 M&Ms a day.  She shakes her head and tells me...

"Oh dear, you shouldn't feed your hamster M&Ms, you should get her hamster food.  So you need to go to Pets...Pets...PetsOops to get the food."

PS: photo is not mine...I just needed a quick photo to explain where she got "oops" from.  

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The Creeps

AJ got an Edward Gorey sticker book from Emo.  She decided to use them in a book she wanted to make.

She called it "The Creeps in the Studio."  

When she was finished with it, she decided to start another book.

She called it, "The Creeps in the Other House."  

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Not bacon

We went to the zoo today.  AJ insisted on stopping at the store.  She was elated to discover they sold crickets. Bacon and cheese flavored crickets to be precise.
She popped a few in her mouth and looked at me.

AJ: mom?
Me: yes?
AJ: these do NOT taste like bacon but they are still delicious!  

Aww...My little bug eater.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Not asleep!

We have a new deal.  AJ gets to stay up and read if she wants.  I no longer feign control over when she actually falls asleep.

However, there is a caveat.  I do have control over when she wakes up.  So she has been mighty tired these past few weeks.  The joy of staying up late and reading still far outweighs the morning grumpies.

Anyhow, today after I woke her up, she tucked the blanket around herself and closed her eyes.

Me: AJ?  Are you asleep? Wake up!!
AJ: *snort* Wha? No! I'm awake!! I was thinking....You know I think with my eyes closed.


Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Love and happiness

AJ: do you know what is the opposite of love and happiness?
Me: hmmm?
AJ: it's fear.  When you're full of fear, you become full of hate and sadness.
Me: O_o  Uhm... You are so right, but where did you learn that?
AJ:  Star Wars.

Of course.  Important life lesson brought to you by Star Wars.  

Friday, May 2, 2014


AJ:  mom?
Me: yes?
AJ: don't you think I'd make the perfect little Ray?

Yes, AJ.  You would make a perfect mini Dan Aykroyd.  

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

She just had to go

AJ is sitting on her indoor swing and singing:

They had to fight the orcs.  They had to go to battle.  Oh yeah, they had to fight.  The men of the west they didn't know, no they didn't know...that she was a woman, they just knew she was a good fighter, they just knew she was a good rider, oh Eowyn she had to go to battle, she just had to go, she had to go with Merry.  Oh, she had to go to fight the black rider on the flying creature, she had to go!  They didn't know she was a woman, they just knew she was a good fighter, rider.  Oh riders of Rohan!

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Does anybody die?

We just finished the first half of the Return of the King.  Aragorn and company have marched to the gates of Mordor to hopefully draw Sauron's eyes from Frodo and the ring.

AJ: mom, is anyone going to die?  I'm worried!
Me: well, they are going to battle. 
AJ:  so is someone going to die?
Me: er, yes...but if you're asking about Aragorn, Legalos, Gimli, and the, they don't die but other people will. 
AJ: oh okay so like some riders of Rohan that I don't know very well.

And with that she cheerfully bade me continue the story.  

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Mom. I love you.

Today while standing at the crosswalk, I might have let slip a bad word. Worse than that I might have engaged in a bit of name calling.

The cars were rushing by, not stopping like they should when a pedestrian is waiting *ahem* patiently at the crosswalk.

Me:  nice stopping! It's a fucking crosswalk, jerk heads.  Oh, erm... That wasn't very nice of mommy.  Sorry, AJ.  I shouldn't name call.
AJ: mom?
Me: yes?
AJ:  I love you.... Even if you use curse words.  

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Goodnight Bilbo.

At bedtime.

Me: goodnight AJ.
AJ:  Bilbo.
Me: goodnight Bilbo.
Aria:  goodnight Thorin.

At least she was asleep tonight by 10.

Bilbo Baggins

Last night, Aria was really amped up for some reason.  It started with a simple request to please be quiet and go to sleep.

Aria had the covers over her head.  She started shouting, "dwarves, leave me alone!  Grrrr!   I'm trying to sleep!"

I gave up trying to get her to quit and went downstairs.  She called for me.  I thought she might be scared as she often does not like being left in rooms by herself.  

She was standing in bed wearing my flannel shirt. 

AJ:  I found this shirt!  I look like Bilbo Baggins!  

I turned around and went back downstairs.  AJ started chanting, "Bilbo Baggins!"  Over and over and over.

Phil went upstairs.  She told him she had an important meeting with the dwarves and she had to be clean so she'd need a bath.  Eventually he gave up and came downstairs.

I went back upstairs to see if I could help her fall asleep.  It was midnight by now and she'd been in bed since 8.  

AJ:  I have a very important meeting at noon tomorrow with the dwarves.  I'll need a bath.

Me:  lovely.  You'll be with grandma so you'll need to take the bath at her place.

AJ:  that won't work.  We'll need to stay here.  The dwarves are meeting me here.

Me:  you can have the meeting after you get home.  I'll send them a message.

AJ:  oh no.  That won't work.  The dwarves are rather suspicious of you.  *lowers voice* they think you are a black rider.  They are very suspicious of people who only wear black.  Be careful.  They surround people they think are black riders with weapons!  

So yes, that was a fun night. 

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Setting a good example

I was wiggling my foot near AJ's head and she batted at my foot.

I asked her why she hit me.  AJ leaned in and said, "I'll whisper it to you so E doesn't hear me."  E is her 10 month old cousin. 

She whispers, "you scared the crap out of mouse."

Well at least she isn't saying it out loud in front of her little cousin.  

Sunday, February 23, 2014


AJ:  Mom, I discovered that I can make gold by mixing light brown and brown.
Me: Oh yeah, did you discover this by mixing paint?
AJ:  No , I learned this from Tootsie's poop.

I don't want to know.  Really, I don't.  

The tooth fairy

On the tooth fairy:

AJ lost her tooth last night and was super excited about the prospect of getting money.  She was super concerned about the fairy keeping her tooth though.  After I convinced her that the fairy only keeps the tooth because of tradition and that she actually had so many that she didn't want anymore and would be so happy to just leave her tooth...AJ happily set it in Fiano's (her imaginary fairy friend) house.

This morning she woke up and was so excited to find not only a glittery dollar bill but her tooth as well.

Then she came up to me with a suspicious look on her face.

AJ: mom, are you the tooth fairy?
Me: why are you asking? 
AJ: I recognize this glitter.
Me: what?! Uhm, well, maybe she borrowed my glitter.
AJ: mom.
Me: what do you want to believe?  
AJ: the truth.
Me: fine, it was me; there is no fairy but it's kind of fun pretending, right?  Just like we pretend all your imaginary friends are real.
AJ:  sure.
Me:  so can I still leave you money for your teeth?
AJ:  uh...yeah, mom.  

Haha.  Well good to know.  

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Kitty Proud and Mr. Duck

A while back AJ was very concerned because her imaginary friend Kitty Proud (no not Kitty Pride from X-Men, but I imagine that is where she got the name) had just given birth to a litter of ducks.  Apparently the other imaginary friends were making fun of her.

My response was much the same as usual which I don't think AJ appreciated.  Maybe one day.  "AJ you should let her know that she has a few choices for how to handle this; she can say something to them and let them know they are hurting her feelings or she can ignore them but she cannot force them to stop.  You can only control how you perceive and respond to others."  

That was that but after the talk AJ excitedly told me that Kitty Proud didn't have the ducklings.  Mrs. Duck had the ducklings.  I told her that made much more sense.  She nodded her head and informed me that Mr. Duck gave the sex to her and she got pregnant.  

I stifled a laugh.  Nodded my head sagely and said, "ah, well then. That is that then."

AJ looked at me and very calmly replied, "yes, he gave the sex to Kitty Proud too but she didn't get pregnant."

Right.  Uhm... Okay.  Her toys lead very complicated lives.  

Friday, January 17, 2014

The Talk

Its been awhile since I last updated this blog.  I find it kind of hilarious that I'd come back with THIS story, but well this is a story a parent should never forget.

So yesterday afternoon, AJ told me she didn't understand how babies got into a woman's womb. I read somewhere that you should answer the question actually asked and not assume bigger questions, so I simply told her that the man puts a seed in the woman which fertilizes her egg.  She said okay so I thought I was good.

Yeah...I was wrong.  Oh so wrong.

Tonight after asking me a string of mundane questions in an attempt to stall bedtime, she sprung the BIG question on me.

AJ: So uhm...Mom, I don't understand. How does the man get the seed into the woman?
Me: *Thinking to myself...oh shit.* Well, what do you mean?
AJ: I don't understand! How does it get in the woman?
Me: Okay, so uhm...they do this activity *crap, crap, crap* that uhm...puts the seed there. Time for bed!
AJ: What activity?
Me: *Shiiiitt...* Well, honey, its called sex. And its for adults.  And well...that's how the sperm, that's what the seed is actually called, so that's how the sperm gets in the woman.
AJ: *Raises her eyebrow at me.* Uh-huh, HOW does it get in the woman?
Me: *Sigh* Fine.  So you know what a penis is, right?
AJ: Yuh-aaaa...its what a man pees through!
Me: Right.  So sperm comes out of there too. And the man putshispenisintothewoman'svagina and that's how the sperm gets there.
AJ: *making a face* Ewwww...
Me: Well, yeah, I can see why a five year old might think that sounds gross.  Okay, time for bed, pleeease...
AJ: So, how does this happen through the clothes?
Me: They're aren't usually wearing clothes or at least not much.
AJ: Okay, I still don't understand.
Me: What do you mean?  What don't you understand?  *Go to sleep, go to sleep, please, go to sleep...*
AJ: How does the penis get into the vagina?
Me: *Seriously, do I have to draw a diagram!!* Well, AJ, I'm not sure I get the question, he just puts it in...
AJ: But MOM, the penis...its WOBBLY!
[At this point, I lost it.  I started cracking up.  AJ joined me and we had a full on belly laughing session while I gasped for air.]
Me: sex.  Yeah, its not just for making babies.  Which is why some folks use protection to make sure they don't get pregnant or get someone pregnant.  So, when the man is excited, his penis isn't wobbly.  It's hard a stick.  *crap, did I just really say that?*
AJ: Like a stick?!  *squeals of laughter* So you and dad did this?
Me: *of course, you'd ask me THAT.* Yes.
AJ: *holding up her hand and pointing the finger of her other hand at it* I bet that's how puppies are made too.
Me: Yup.
AJ: *whispering* You know, I might have sex when I'm older.
Me: Yup, I am sure you will.
AJ: With a man?
Me: Well, uhm, I don't know.  Maybe, maybe not.  So the sex I was talking about was between a man and woman, but that's because you asked me about how babies are made.  A woman and woman can have sex. So can a man and man.  They just can't make a baby.  I mean they can have a baby, you know, they can adopt or if its women they can have the doctor help them put sperm into one of the women and if its men they can ask a woman to carry the baby for them.  Does that make sense?
AJ: Yeah, you know, I might not want to have a baby.
Me: That's okay.  You don't have to have one.  Uhm...can we please go to bed?  Have I answered your questions?
AJ: Well...
Me: You can always ask me questions tomorrow or another day if you want.  But its late, AJ. I'm tired. Oh and know I think its great that you felt safe enough to ask me these questions but you probably shouldn't talk to your friends about it.  You know, I'm sure their parents would like to be the first person they talk to about it and all.

So yeah...that was my first foray into talking about sex with AJ. Hopefully, I didn't do too badly.  I mean, she laughed and didn't seem scarred. That's something, right? Right?